I started at Einhorn Collaborative in 2014 after a five-year stint in management consulting. The foundation’s mission spoke to me from the start, as I’d always been absorbed by the question of how we live together amidst our differences. I had long admired a few of the grantee partners, and I had worked earlier in my career at a nonprofit advancing similar values. I was also keen to pull forward my consulting skills to help shape strategies, theories of change, and other weighty facets of the work with our team and partners.
I found many ways to contribute, yet the longer I was in the role, the more I discovered how much I didn’t know. The mental models I brought over from consulting were both useful and limiting. The vantage point I had on our partners’ work – from the balcony with a partially obstructed view – helped me see patterns and larger possibilities. It also prevented me from fully grasping their day-to-day realities, let alone the needs and experiences of the communities they were serving. The continuing education never ceased.
While I climbed a learning curve in the work, I grew in my conviction about the work. My time at Einhorn Collaborative coincided with a period of profound upheaval: toxic polarization, racial reckoning, a global pandemic, erosion of democratic norms, a crisis of connection, the aftermath of October 7th, the rise of AI. Like every sector, the philanthropy and nonprofit sector found itself rethinking and finding ways forward. Amidst the pain and uncertainty, a throughline became clear. Rampant disconnection, a climate of contempt, and a breakdown in people’s ability to humanize “the other” were making all these challenges harder to address. This recognition brought to the fore work that Einhorn Collaborative had been supporting for two decades. It also brought new headwinds and strong views about what social change work mattered most. At the same time, it became clearer to me that strengthening connection and social cohesion – the relational bedrock that so much else hinges on – must be a high priority in getting the country back on track.
Through our grantee partners, I’ve seen the rigor and nuance, the creativity and soul, in the best connection and bridging efforts. I’ve seen how human-level practices get infused into systems and civic infrastructure, and I’ve seen how pluralism skills and experiences help people confront the hardest things that pull their communities apart.
Like a landscaper who realizes it’s time to pull weeds and plant new bulbs in their own yard, I also began to see how I could bring insights from my day job into my own life. In getting to know and champion the work of many amazing nonprofits, I kept adding to a mental file of connection and bridging superpowers, and I resolved to practice what I was preaching.
I’ve been inspired by many organizations, community leaders, researchers, and colleagues in my attempts to apply what I’ve learned. I’ll highlight a handful of approaches I will carry forward, citing a partner whose work, for me, embodies each one.
Forging connections
Asking better questions (StoryCorps): How do we push a conversation beneath the surface to a deeper place? When we ask questions that invite people to share what they really think and feel, tell meaningful stories, and convey what matters most to them, we create the conditions for connection. I have found asking searching questions to be the most effective and accessible tool for strengthening bonds, with the people I’m closest to and with those I barely know.
Doing things together despite differences (Interfaith America): People do not need to agree on everything to find something they can work on together. That may be obvious, but it’s also counter-cultural. Finding a shared goal or pain point and turning it into a concrete project can build trust and drive progress. The most fulfilling philanthropic collaborations I’ve been a part of have brought together funders and nonprofit partners who come at the shared work with wide-ranging “whys” and core beliefs.
Creating rituals to build community (Citizen University): Marking collective experiences by imbuing them with meaning is a powerful, age-old way to foster a sense of belonging. A little intentionality can take such moments out of the ordinary and make them feel sacred, hopeful, cathartic, even joyful. Amidst a reimagining of ritual in civic, social, and family life, I find myself increasingly asking, “How might we elevate and ritualize this shared experience?”
Navigating conflict
Figuring out the understory (Good Conflict): There’s what a fight or disagreement is ostensibly about on the surface and what it’s really about. I think about this simple yet astute insight from Amanda Ripley and Hélène Biandudi Hofer every time I’m steeped in a conflict or trying to play a helpful role in mediating one. Probing further to uncover the main grievances and motivations in a conflict can be eye-opening. It can also make the parties feel seen and potential solutions more tractable.
Naming differences (Resetting the Table): Another pitfall when divides feel unbridgeable is not taking the time to clarify the actual differences. I’ve experienced firsthand how costly this can be: misplaced assumptions linger, people talk past each other, and resolution is stifled. Stating the crux of the difference and how each person relates to it can set a hard conversation on a more promising path. Counterintuitively, it can also foster receptivity, trust, and connection in the heat of conflict.
Being open to repair (Trust Labs): Whether in the throes of a major rupture or minor spats and slights, disconnection is inevitable. When there is a mutual openness to repair, I’ve learned that it starts by gauging what’s needed and what’s possible in mending the relationship. This requires looking inward, setting boundaries, and deciding when to forgive. As a parent, I’ve also taken heart from our early relational health work how repair and getting back to a state of connection make us more resilient.
Seeing possibilities
Learning from what’s working (Solutions Journalism Network): It is tempting to be consumed by the division and dysfunction, the peril and pathologies that dominate the headlines and the public mood. Yes, there is serious cause for concern. Yet, there is also reason for hope and agency. Both are hard to come by unless we lift up and learn from what’s working. That requires a mindset and a practice of seeing problems and responses – and putting that intel into action.
Minding perception gaps (More in Common): Another kind of blind spot we all have is a distorted and often simplistic take on groups of people we do not know well yet feel threatened by. Recognizing and unpacking these misperceptions is crucial to seeing people in their complexity and humanity even as we may still fervently disagree with them. Doing so can also reveal where there is less daylight than we assumed, pointing the way to shared work that might have otherwise felt impossible.
Modeling new norms (CoGenerate): The role of social norms – and perceptions of norms – is a potent force in shifting people’s behaviors, including toward connection and bridging. When existing norms feel outdated, confining, or harmful, the opportunity lies in holding up new norms and bringing them to life in ways that inspire and mobilize others. When I see prevailing behaviors falling short, I ask what new norms are needed, what it would take to spread them, and what role I might play.
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In trying to apply all this wisdom, I wish I could report that I’m a more evolved version of myself: a more enlightened neighbor, colleague, partner, parent, and friend. Yet, as with anything in life that calls us to become better, it’s a work in progress. Long after I leave Einhorn Collaborative, I’ll keep at it. Integrating what I’ve learned from many partners over many years is one way I intend to honor this chapter as I embark on a new one.
